读后续写高分技巧:多管齐下提升动作描写

袁枚说过:“一切诗文,总须字立纸上,不成字卧纸上.人活则立,人死则卧,用笔亦然.”这个“活”就要依靠行动描写,由于动词的最突出特点就是“活”。

人物的每一个行动都受其思惟、性情制约,是以,具体、细致地描写某一人物在某一情况下所作出的反应,主如果行动反应,就势必显现出了这一人物的心里活动、处世态度、思惟品格。成功的行动描写可以交接人物的身份、职位,可以反应人物心理活动的进程,表示人物的性情特征,缔造活泼的画面和活跃的场景，偶然辰还能鞭策情节的成长。

下面以2017年6月浙江续写卷原文为例来看行动描写:

●情节:被狼追逐

行动描写:

▲Mac:动词＋副词 身材部位:耳＋眼 心理活动

原文例句:Mac heard quick and loud breathing behind him.“Man, that's a big dog!" he thought. But when he looked to the side,he saw instantly that ...

▲狼:doing

原文例句:... a wolf, quickly catching up with him.

●情节:与狼相斗

行动描写:

▲Mac:动词 身材部位:心＋手

原文例句:Mac's heart jumped. He found out his can of bear spray. With one hand on the bars,he fired the spray at the wolf .. . He fired at the wolf a second time, and again, it fell back only to quicklyrestart the chase(追逐).

▲狼:持续动词 +doing 身材部位:头＋爪子

原文例句:...A bright red cloud enveloped the animal ... it fell back,shaking its

head ...Then it attacked the back of Mac's bike,tearing open his tent bag.

●情节:奋力逃生

行动描写:

▲Mac:持续动词＋副词 身材部位:脚＋手＋嘴

Mac was pedalling hard now. He waved and yelled at passing cars but was careful

not to slow down.

由上不丢脸出,经过一系列的行动描写,Mac 试图狼口逃生的情节被写得栩栩如生,特别是对狼的行动的描写趁热打铁:Mac对它的喷雾进犯似乎一点结果都没有.读者阅读时难免提着心,为Mac捏了一把冷汗。

那末,若何写出成功的行动描写呢?以下先容四种技能。

●技能1:动词+副词/介词结构/doing/从句

在描写人物的行动的时辰,首先要正确应用动词,然后在这个动词前或后加上适当的修饰语,就会使行动的幅度、速度、力度等比力细致地表达出来，人物形象就会更具活力。比以以下摘自续写原文的几个句子即是如此:

As Mac pedalled(骑行) along alone,he thought fondly of his wife and two young daughters at home.(动词＋副词) (2017年6月浙江市考续写原文)

But when he looked to the side,he saw instantly that it wasn't a dog at all, but a wolf,quickly catching up with him.（动词＋副词+that 从句) (2017年6月浙江高考续写原文）

Mac was pedalling hard now.（动词＋副词) (2017年6月浙江高考续写原文)

Then it attacked the back of Mac's bike., tearing open his tent bag.(动词＋doing )

( 2017年10月浙江高考续写原文)

As the first day of our trip APProached, David,my eight-year-old brother,and I

unwillingly said good-bye to all of our friends.(副词＋动词＋介词结构) (2017年11月浙江高考续写原文）

We bravely drove off again two hours later after we’d returned home to get the purse and traveller’s checks Mum had forgotten. (副词＋动词 ) (2017年11月浙江高考续写原文)

●技能2:细化行动进程

很多行动都不是一会儿能完成的,所以描写时,可以把行动拆解成多少步,并挑选得当的词来描写.这样就不难把人物的行动写具体了.简单地说,就是把一个大行动分红几个联贯的小行动,逐一描画出来,使全部行动栩栩如生。

例1:He stood up, hugged his parents,and smiled,trying not to let his emotions (情感)get the better of him. (2020年1月浙江高考续写原文)

分析:这句话把男孩和怙恃离此外这一个大行动分化成一系列小行动: stand up , hug ,smile .然后将之逐一显现出来。

例2:Poppy welcomed them home as usual, but when she saw the box,she stopped. She put her nose on it.Her tail began wagging(摆动) ever so slowly, then faster as she caught the smell. (2020年1月浙江高考续写原文)

分析:这段笔墨先是描写 Poppy的三个行动: welcomed , saw , stopped。接着描写集合在鼻子和尾巴上,特别对尾巴停止了详写,wag slowly 到faster,并诠释了缘由是“she caught the smell”。这一系列带有Poppy 特点的行动描写活泼地反应了Poppy 的性情特征,而且很是有画面感。

●技能3:利用具体词,避开“万能词”

“万能词”就是处处都能用的多用处词，如 walk , say , see 、 run 、 laugh 、cry

等。要把行动写得正确、鲜明,就要换掉这些“万能词”，而用其他更具体、更细

化的动词。

2016年10月续写原文有几个句子都有walk的意义,可是分歧的语境中,文章利用了分歧的单词来取代walk,避免反复利用“万能词”walk ,从而使表达更正确、丰富。

例1:By the time they reached the lake, Jane was so angry that she said to Tom,"I'm going to find a better spot for us to camp" and walked away.

分析:这里Jane和 Tom 刚刚打骂,Jane走开,用了walked away 。

例2:After she had climbed to a high place, she turned around,hoping to see the lake.

分析:Jane朝高处走,需要爬,所以用climb。

例3Quickly she followed the sound to a stream.

分析: Jane这里是随着溪流声走,所以用follow 。

例4:As she picked her way carefully along the stream, Jane heard a helicopter.

分析: Jane顺着溪边走时,由于溪边的路比力难走、所以换用pick her way.

在选用更具体、更细化的动词时,首要斟酌以下两层意义:

其一，连系现实语境

人在分歧的情形、情况中,行动的特点是分歧的，比如饭后散步时的“走”与上学要早退的“走”是纷歧样的。请看下面的例子。

根本版：For an hour and a half we walked around the old city, totally lost.

改良版：For an hour and a half we wandered around the old city, totally lost.

分析:这句话是讲逛古城游玩,走路速度必定不快,也没有很强的目标性,虽然迷路了,心情照旧很轻松,所以可以换成wander,意义是“闲逛”，该词与行动发生的场景更相配。

其二，表现人物特征

分歧人物由于性情、性别、年龄、身份分歧,他们表示出来的行动特点也一定是分歧的。红楼梦里林黛玉在大观园里面的“走”和王熙凤的“走”必定是分歧的。所以在行动描写时，要充实连系人物的具体情况,利用正确、具体化的动词来表示人物的特点。

根本版:“I'll never forgive you for this,”Marge said, and she walked out of the room without a backward glance.

改良版:“I'll never forgive you for this,”Marge said, and she stormed out of the room without a backward glance.

分析:这里Marge明显很是生气,才会说“这件事我永久不会谅解你”。而此处用walk完全部现不出她的生气,所以可以换成storm,暗示 Marge头也不回地“冲”出房间，更能表现人物豪情。

●技能4:连系其他细节描写

将行动描写与说话描写、神志描写、心理描写等相连系，会使说话更具体、正确，表达更活泼。

例:His face turned red and one corner of his mouth twitched as he tried to control his anger.

分析:这句话把他生气时的面部脸色和行动描写相连系,使得画面加倍活泼而传神,也表暴露人物的心里天下:很是生气却尽力禁止。

再比以下面两个例子:

He waved and yelled at passing cars but was careful not to slow down.（行动描写＋心理描写)

“I'll never forgive you for this,” Marge said and she stormed out of the room without

a backward glance.（说话描写＋行动描写)

●技能5:连系修辞手法

行动描写也凡是和修辞手法连系应用,以增强续写作文的表示力、吸引力。

He was treading along with firm, confident steps.（行动描写＋移就)

他迈着果断、自傲的步子走着。

I woke from my dream, rose and went outside in the peaceful darkness. (行动描写＋秋就) 我从睡梦中醒来,起家走到里面安好的黑夜里。

The boy was so frightened that he rushed down the stairs and ran home like

lightning. (行动描写＋比方）

男孩在极端惊慌中冲下楼梯，闪电般地跑回家去。

He ran away down the hill as if a devil was after him.（行动描写＋比方)

他飞奔下山，似乎前面有鬼追他似的。

The silver plate was rising up in the sky.（行动描写＋比方,the silver plate = the

moon ) 一个银盘在天涯升起。

The boy wolfed down the food the moment he grabbed it.（行动描写＋比方）

那男孩儿一抓到食品便狼吞虎咽般地吃了下去。

My homework snowballed into a task that I could never complete in my life.(行动描写＋比方＋夸张）

我的家庭作业像滚雪球一样酿成了一项我平生都没法完成的使命。

看了上面的几个例子,能否是感觉修辞手法的应用让行动加倍活泼、形象、鲜明?